back to planning

Throughout my life, I've made multiple attempts to maintain a diary.  "Keeping a diary" was a common trait amongst pop icons in the 80's, which meant I grew up believing that diaries were an essential part of life.  The process was always the same:

1) Over a school break, I would discover a new character that wrote her deepest, darkest secrets in a diary.  Said character would immediately feel better about life in general, as if putting pen to paper validated every unbalanced emotion she felt throughout the day.

2) As a gawky adolescent, I identified with the character.  I decided to emulate her behavior, in the hopes that I'll become less gawky and attract more friends and/or possible boyfriends.  I'd decide that the key to her success was the diary.

3) I'd beg mom to buy me a new diary.  Sometimes she acquiesced, and sometimes she didn't.  When she didn't, I would find a used notebook, tear out the school-work from the previous year, and save the leftover sheets for my inner-most thoughts and feelings.

4) The diary quickly filled up with mundane facts about my day ("ate breakfast, went to the beach, took a shower, went to bed").  After a few days of chronicalling the day-to-day operations of my household, I grew tired of the diary and gave up on the whole venture.

This process repeated itself at least once a year, usually over summer break, for about 5 years.  I stopped mid-way through high school, probably because I was too busy to read and/or had my licence.  Also, I may have developed an overinflated sense of self that comes with being an upperclassman in high school.

After college, I tried to start a journal again.  Although I no longer believed that diaries were the key to happiness, I still felt there was value to the process.  My first attempt was the year after I graduated from college, also known as "my first year on my own".  I was fairly good at maintaining that journal, mostly because I was filled with angst about two failed relationships.  Also, for some reason my roommate and I decided to live in a suburb with a "dry downtown", which really was an odd choice for two 20-somethings in the greater Boston area.  No neighborhood bar plus no cable TV/internet equals plenty of time to brood about lost loves from college.  When our lease ended, I moved to the City, and threw away my diary of loneliness.  

I've tried to restart the journaling process several times since then - namely, when I was grieving my mom while planning a wedding, and when we first started trying to get pregnant - with little success.  

Long story short, I'm bad at journaling, so I shouldn't be surprised that I'm bad at blogging.  

On the baby-making front, we saw a reproductive endocrinologist in January.  He ordered a series of cycle-day-3 tests.  Since I saw the doctor on CD-5, I had to wait a whole month to begin the diagnostic tests.  We had our tests mid-February, and we have a follow-up appointment with the RE on March 4th.  I expect to get my period shortly after March 4th, so hopefully we'll be able to start our protocol next cycle.  I plan to do a better job of updating my blog once the protocol starts.

Introduction

Hello.  This blog is a record of our efforts to start a family.  I'm mostly writing this to remind myself of the tremendous effort we're going through to have a baby.  If my story somehow helps others, then that's an added bonus. 

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since September 2008, with little success.  After going through a litany of tests, my doctors determined that I had unexplained infertility.  I went on Clomid in August 2010, and got pregnant that cycle.  It wasn't meant to be, though, because we lost the baby at 5 weeks and 5 days.  We waited another cycle to try again, per doctor's orders.  Since then, I've been on two additional Clomid cycles with no success.

In case you aren't familiar with this medication, Clomid is a prescription drug that stimulates the ovaries.  In my case, the goal is to make me ovulate in the middle of my cycle.  The worst side effect I've experienced is bloating.  It was so bad last cycle that I wore maternity pants, because my normal pants won't fit.  The other horrible side effect I've experienced is mood swings.  On the Friday after Thanksgiving, I spent six-hours sitting on my couch and crying for absolutely no reason.  

Since my side effects have been fairly extreme, I'm taking a break from Clomid this cycle.  I want to start wearing my normal pants again before the end of the year, and I don't want to spend Christmas weekend crying on my couch.

Right now, I'm trying to focus on the positives.  After two years of trying, I now know that I can get pregnant.  In January, I'll be covered by my husband's health insurance, which covers infertility treatments.  We're planning to go to a fertility clinic that specializes in advanced reproductive techniques as soon as possible.

I'll post as additional information is available. 

Best,

Sam